By the time her son Magnus was five months old, Kath had barely left the house. She loved her baby, but was scared of doing something wrong and thought she was the only mother who felt that way. Staying indoors, within the four walls of her and husband William's home, was safe. It was familiar.
Her anxiety may not come as a surprise; Magnus had arrived ten weeks early after a long, stressful IVF journey which had also followed an intense endometriosis surgery for Kath. Baby Magnus had to spend his first Christmas in hospital. "I entered motherhood in 'hard mode'!" Kath quips.
When Magnus was finally able to come home two months later, it was still weeks before his actual due date.
“I had no idea how to hold my tiny fragile baby,” Kath says.
Even as she and Magnus bonded, taking him outside felt daunting.
Her husband and his whānau were loving and supportive, but much of each day’s care fell to her. With her own parents far away in Venezuela, she missed having a community around her.
Kath’s Plunket nurse, Jill, visited at home to check on both her and Magnus.
"I could see how anxious Kath had become about leaving the house and how this was beginning to affect her mental wellbeing and confidence as a mother," says Jill.
When Kath felt ready, Jill gently encouraged her to venture out, and went with her to the local Plunket hub.
"It was important to me that Kath felt supported, understood and never judged. Together, we took small steps at her pace."
At the hub, Kath met other mums at a playgroup. Hearing their experiences helped her realise she wasn’t the only one finding parenthood hard.
“I didn’t know that all new parents are terrified on some level. I thought I was all alone on this journey. The other mums were so supportive, and all going through the same thing.”
Those connections became an important part of family life. And when her second son, Victor, was born prematurely - five weeks early - Kath felt more confident about getting out with her children.
“As soon as things started going again in Plunket [in the new year], I was getting the kids there. I wasn’t even driving, so I was getting two babies in a double stroller and going to Plunket on the bus!”
A community to turn to
One day, while Kath was at the hub with both boys, she heard that an earthquake had struck near her parents’ home in Venezuela.
As she tried to find out whether her family was safe, the other mums stepped in to care for her boys.
“Eventually, I knew my parents were safe, and I could breathe again. And that's when I realised, ‘oh my babies’. I didn’t have my babies! But I looked around, and they were being cared for by the other mums.”
For Kath, it was a powerful reminder of what it meant to have people around her who understood and were ready to help.
Thinking about how she would have managed that moment alone with two small tamariki, she says, “I really don’t know what I would have done.”
Helping other parents find their community
Today, Kath is helping create that same sense of belonging for others as a member of her local Plunket committee and leads a multicultural playgroup.
“We all know a mum who is in the trenches. We all know somebody who needs support. What Plunket does is such a beautiful thing for so many mothers out there.”
Kath is now the first to jump in and welcome a new mum and help where they can, especially if they are new to Aotearoa just like she was. One mum was worried about taking her son to the public pool for the first time, as she couldn't swim. Kath was quick to offer to go with her, and rallied other mums from her playgroup to come too. That sparked a new friendship and an even wider, warmer group of likeminded mums.
Kath (centre left) and other māmā and children at her multicultural playgroup.
Kath knows how much that support matters. Not just for parents, but for their children too.
“And by taking care of the mums, you are taking care of the children who are the future. Having that support makes it possible for us to come to our babies with all the love and happiness [we have].”
Nurse Jill reflects on how far Kath has come. "[Her] story is a beautiful reminder of the difference that compassionate, relationship-based care, early support and strong community connections can make during the sometimes-overwhelming early years of parenthood. It has been an absolute privilege to support Kath and her pēpi."
Plunket nurse, Jill and Kath getting into the Christmas spirit during a multicultural playgroup session.
Christmas is a special time in Kath’s home. The tree goes up early and stays up long after Christmas Day, and celebrations bring together Kiwi and Venezuelan food and music. She hopes Magnus and Victor will grow up remembering the warmth of being surrounded by people who love them.
For Kath, having a community around her has made a lasting difference, from those tentative first outings with Magnus to helping other parents find their feet.
This Christmas, you have the amazing chance to wrap that same kind of care and connection around another whānau, by donating to Plunket. You'll be keeping playgroups like Kath's going strong in the year ahead.
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